Dealing with Dishonesty

Over the past few months, we've been noticing that SpiderBoy has been having a problem with honesty. He has started to take things that don't belong to him, and he has lied about it.

The Wifey and I have talked extensively about what to do. We've tried many things that have not seemed to have much effect.

Recently, SpiderBoy stole some ice cream out of the freezer and hid it downstairs. This was ice cream that we were planning on having for my birthday the next day. The following morning, we found out about the missing ice cream when Kidling came upstairs, smeared with melted ice cream from head to toe.

We talked with SpiderBoy about all of the problems that he had caused. We didn't have ice cream for my birthday. There was a huge mess to clean up. But worst of all, SpiderBoy had stolen. We talked about what happens when a grownup steals and is caught. We talked about how much waste occurs due to stealing. Then we bought some more ice cream, and said we didn't want to ruin my birthday, so we would not talk about it until the next day.

Mostly, I was stalling. SpiderBoy obviously was unhappy, but he just wanted the lectures to stop. He didn’t want to change. We needed to do something else to make the dishonest behavior stop.

I decided to give SpiderBoy a choice of punishments. He could either clean behind the refrigerator, or he could miss out on having ice cream at TikiPrincess's birthday, which is coming up next week.

SpiderBoy chose to miss out on having ice cream. I did not think that this alone would be enough to change his behavior much.

We decided from the start that SpiderBoy would need to pay for the ice cream we had to purchase. However, SpiderBoy has no money, as he spends it all the first chance he gets. Now SpiderBoy was in debt.

I had a long talk with SpiderBoy. He needs to pay back the loan at a rate of one quarter every day. It is his responsibility to remember to earn the money, and to remember to make the payment. If he does not, when I get home from work at two in the morning, I foreclose on the loan. We agreed that his bed would be his collateral for the loan.

If SpiderBoy has not left a quarter for me when I get home, I go into his room, dump him on the floor, and take the mattress. He doesn't get it back until he pays two quarters. He also doesn't get to be mean to me or the Wifey because of it. It's his responsibility, so if he forgets, it's his fault.

Last night there was a quarter waiting for me when I got home. Tonight I see another one. I hope this means that this is working. I don’t care about the money, or the ice cream. I do care a great deal about my son, and about helping him to learn the right lesson from all of this.

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